Name That Toe

I'm breaking radio silence to inform you all that Lavender has named her toes. From biggest to smallest, there are:

Pumpkin Pie
Violet Pie
Pumpkin Pastie
Rosette, and
Cherry Tree.

That's it. Carry on.

Geneva's Mystery Story

This afternoon Geneva narrated a spooky story to me while I typed it up for her on the computer. It's sweet, weird, surprisingly dark, and very worth sharing. Enjoy!

The Staff

Once there was an old, old puppet theater. It had been around since cave people, and there was concealed magic in it because it was so old. Inside its walls was magic, and no one but the puppet master himself could control the magic. He made lots of mysteries happen.

The Zoglman family were planning to travel for nine years, but they got trapped for one year. So that made it into ten years. They had abandoned their home, but when they left they didn't put up a sign, so in the ten years stuff happened to it. The house itself got magic inside it, just like the theater.

They heard on the news, while they were driving to go see the world, that someone had died in a puppet show place. But they heard next on the news that before the puppet master's eyes the person turned into a ghost, flickered, and disappeared. They thought “we're brave. We can solve a mystery. Maybe we are the ones who can solve the mystery of the ghost.” They went to the puppet theater.

When they arrived Geneva saw a skeleton with a rope around its neck hanging from an iron cage.

“Hey mom, I saw this weird thing!” said Geneva.

“What is it, Sweetie?” said Mom.

“I saw a skeleton hanging with a rope around its neck in an iron cage.”

Mom said “Let's find out the mystery to this.” Now the Zoglmans had two mysteries to solve: the skeleton hanging with a rope around its neck, and the flickering ghost.

They went inside. The first thing they saw was a dog. The dog was looking like it was going to bite Geneva. His eyes were squinted and his nose was wrinkled and his mouth was open. Geneva reached out to slap the dog down and her hand sank in. It was a puppet.

“We should show this to someone,” said Geneva, so they brought along the dog and they found a sign. It said “Puppet Master's House” and it was pointing understage. They followed the sign. Geneva rapped at the bricks.

The Puppet Master said “Wooooooooooo” so that it would trick them into thinking he was a ghost.

Geneva said “We know you're not a ghost.”

So the Puppet Master said “Muahahahahaha” to scare them and make them go away.

“We know you're not a giant,” said Geneva.

“I was trying to scare you away so that you won't find out my secrets,” said the Puppet Master.

“We didn't know you had secrets.”

There was a particular red sword with blood on it, and Lavender said “Hey, this must be the sword that killed that person who turned into a ghost! We can use it to get through the wall. We can cut a door in the wall.” After they cut the hole in the wall they jumped through it, except for Ari who had to be carried by Jamaica. They found a moat. It was turquoise.

“It must contain some magic,” Daddy said. “Don't swim in it.” They found a canoe to get across, but it only carried three people. Daddy, Lavender, and Geneva got into the canoe. They rowed across.

Geneva said “Stroke! Stroke!” to Daddy, and Lavender said “Fast! Fast!” when the water got deeper. They got to the other shore and found a door. It had a painting on it of a staff with a green ball on top. They felt a little scared. They opened the door. Inside it was dim, and there was only one window. There was a staff like the one on the door. It was propped up. They took it off of its stand and with the sword they cut it. As the staff gave a loud loud crack as it hit the floor, there were swirling pink rings coming from right where the green bulb had been. The room shook as the rings went away. Geneva, Lavender, and Daddy headed for the door but it had changed. There was a new picture on it now. It was Daddy, Lavender, and Geneva lifting the sword and the staff cracking. They went to cross the moat but there was a bridge crossing over it. Mommy came across the bridge and they all went to The Puppet Master. They asked him one simple question.

“Did you kill that person?” Lavender said.

“Yes, I did. You guys found out my secrets. The girl was your age, Geneva. I killed her because she had no defenses and she was trying to find out my secrets. I wouldn't have any powers without my staff.”

“Why was the skeleton hanging there? And the ghost”?

“I put them there because I thought it would make the theater scary, so everyone would not discover my staff.”

“Why were you a mean man? Are you still mean?” said Lavender.
“I was, but now I see that not killing is better than killing. I think that I'm with you. I feel like being on your team.”

“I'll just let you be the way the you are, but you have to not kill any more people. You don't get to come with my family,” said Mommy. Geneva yawned. Mom said “It's time for bed.” They went home to their house that they hadn't seen in ten years. It felt great.  

Love You As You Are

Geneva has a Grand Idea that I would like to share with you. She calls it the Love You As You Are Club. Feel free to pass it on!

Overheard This Week...

When I grow up, I'm going to... steal... kangaroos. --Lavender

Ha! You have three kids climbing on you. [Pause] That's the trouble with three kids. --Geneva

Hey Lali, do you want to play "Dobby"?

Yeah!

Okay. I'll go get the lamp.

For those of you who aren't up on your Harry Potter, Dobby is a character who uses a lamp to bludgeon himself on the head.

Flusterated

Lavender: [Screams into a pillow]
Mom: What's up, Lali?
Lavender: I'm just so flusterated about the cat's bottom that it doesn't have panties on it.
Mom: ...You're frustrated that the cat isn't wearing panties?
Lavender: Hyeah.

She may be setting herself up for a lifetime of misery and stress here. But it sure is funny!

Two Hours of Pie

Geneva: Mom, can I have your pie?
Mom: No, I haven't had any yet. And you just finished yours!
Geneva: But I didn't get enough of whatever I want, and what I want is more pie. [Repeats this to herself several times to enjoy the way the words sound. It's kind of like preschooler rap.]
Mom: Well, sweetie, you can't have unlimited amounts of pie. That wouldn't be healthy.
Geneva: What does "unlimited" mean?
Mom: What do you think it means?
Geneva: It means there's not a, um... there isn't a...
Mom: I think you're on the right track. "Unlimited" means "without a stopping point." So you can't eat pie without a stopping point. You can't have unlimited pie.
Geneva: But Mom, I have a stopping point! It's two hours from now.

Spring Break 2.0

This week is Spring Break for Geneva's school, and it was meant to be a week of outings and friends and adventures. Unfortunately our pinkeye adventure has more or less negated the option of outings and friends. I had to take a moment to look back at last year's Spring Break pictures and mourn the loss of sunny gatherings before moving on and appreciating what I've been handed: a week at home. With my kids. And no one else. 

Guys, it's so awesome. 

We may not get to take a day trip out to Granger to look at the dinosaur statues, but we can read about dinosaurs and practice biostratigraphy (dating fossils relative to one another based on the layer of dirt and rock in which they are found). Taking friends with us to the museum is out, but writing letters to J. K. Rowling is so in. Today we painted using the pointillism technique (which Geneva calls "dottillism," to my immeasurable delight, considering she doesn't mispronounce many words these days besides fjord). We baked appelkaka and brewed glogg. And dear little Ari-- sweet, sick-again Ari-- has been able to nurse and cuddle around the clock. The best part, though, is the dress code: I haven't even considered wearing a bra today, and it's four o'clock in the afternoon.

I'm kidding. That's not the best part. But it's not the worst part, either.

This was Geneva's response to my question, "Who do you think Hermione would pick for a partner when she grows up?" I transcribed her answer, then she wrote out the first sentence herself and illustrated it.

I think Hermione would pick Ron for a partner because he's funny, like when he said "why couldn't he say 'follow the butterflies'?" He is brave. He went into the Forbidden Forest and he followed the spiders even though he didn't like them. And he's nice. Like, he likes his friends and is kind to them. He sent Harry a sneakoscope. All these things she might like and want to pick him for a partner. She doesn't have to. She can if she wants to.

We decided to mail the picture, with her entire answer on the back, to J. K. Rowling. Recently she admitted that she regretted pairing Ron and Hermione at the end of the Harry Potter series. She might be happy to know that there's a four-year-old out there who thinks she made a wise decision.

And here is Lavender's biostratigraphy puzzle! Each dinosaur was "found" in layers of colorful sediment. She matched up the sediment layers to figure out which fossils were oldest and which were the most recent. Considering I designed this activity with Geneva in mind, I was very impressed. Jordan, if you're reading this please forgive the extremely crude nature of these, ahem, fossils.

And here's the creepy crawler! He's back on a couple of different medications to help his breathing, but is still such a trooper. And I think if he were any cuter my head would explode.

Thankful for Paper

Thank you, paper, for preserving the fleeting thoughts and ideas of my growing and changing children. What a gift to be able to keep these things-- letters to Santa, family portraits, to-do lists, the first-ever writing of a name-- forever and ever. And what a gift to get to share them with you!

Dear Santa,

I want a saddle, tickets to the theater (Nana), an umbrella (Lavender). What kind of cookies do you want? I think your reindeer are awesome. I want to ride a horse, please.

Geneva Lynn

Geneva's To-Do List:

go atsid (go outside)
red (read)
sing
bacin ccez (baking cookies... or maybe bacon cookies)

Family portraits by Lavender and Geneva

Deep Ocean

My kids do not live in a television vacuum, and I have mixed feelings about this. Depending on the day I catch myself muttering "screen time... attention span..." or, conversely, "digital age... media literacy..." Today I suppose I was feeling especially ambivalent about the ol' boob tube. Geneva and Lavender were clamoring to watch something-- anything-- about the ocean, and would not be dissuaded, even with the offer of a walk to the park. I gave in with a few conditions: I would choose the program, we'd watch it together, and afterward we would talk about what we learned. That wouldn't be nearly as bad as putting on Finding Nemo (again), right?

I anticipated that this would go over with a small to medium amount of whining and some reluctant regurgitation of ocean facts. What actually happened was kind of amazing, at least to me. They were engaged in the video, excited about our discussion, and eloquent in their description of deep sea life-- at least, by two- and four-year-old standards. I guess that makes the score kids one, mom zero. Or maybe TV one, mom zero. Heck, let's call it awesomeness one, boredom zero.

Geneva:

Down in the deep ocean there's a vent that is pretty cool, because it's kind of like a trap down in the ocean. This bubbly venty stuff comes up from it and then it traps fish because this aroma comes and makes them sick and they fall down, and so the fish that live up higher get sick and the other creatures that live down in the deep, deep ocean eat the fish that are caught.

Lavender:

Divers wear suits and swim. They see clouds under the ocean. There are volcanoes. Crabs, a whale, and a little shrimp live under the deep ocean. They eat fish.

Geneva again:

We also saw crabs down in the ocean. They are the ones who eat the other ones who live on the top. The flatfish go way down in the ocean. They live down in the deep sea because they are adapted. The deep ocean is full of creatures. They like it dark because it's very dark down in the deep ocean. People can't live there because the pressure pushes them down too much.

The Story That Wasn't

Geneva told me this story just before going to sleep. Actually, I should say that she set up this story before going to sleep. Apparently describing the characters was too exhausting to allow for any plot development, which is too bad. I found the ghost dog monkey kind of intriguing.


Mom, can I tell you a story? Of course. Not from a book but one that I'm just telling. I have a shelf in my mind. I can look and see what I have. Hmmm... I don't have any grown-up stories in there. Just kid stories. Is it okay if I tell you a kid story? I love kid stories! Okay. This story is kind of spooky. Actually it's kind of scary. It's really scary, actually. If you get scared you can just reach over and hold my hand. Okay. It's about a ghost that's a dog but it's in the shape of a monkey. So there's a ghost dog. Monkey. A ghost that looks like a monkey and is a dog. Is he friendly? No, he's angry! He's a mean kind of ghost. Um, and also there was this princess, and her name was .............Mom! What's her name? Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you wanted me to answer. Is it Vivian? No. Claire? No. Melissa? No. Celeste? No. It's Belle. And there's another princess. She's, like, really a princess. What's her name? Why don't you just tell me? Okay, her name is Merida. So there are two good guys. Um, but there was another princess and her name was Cinderella. So there were three good guys. I mean there were four good guys. There was another princess. Four good guys ...and a HUNDRED BILLION bad guys! Woah. Isn't this a scary story? And they were in a circle, a really big circle, that was as big as this whole, like, bed. I mean house. Actually it was as big as the whole continent. As big as the whole Earth. So the princesses were there and the bad guys were all in a circle and, um, this story is going to be too long. I'll tell you a different one.


I think if I ever write a book (hi, internet! Discover me, please!) I will use this as my foreword.

Interview with Lavender

Jamaica: What is your name?
Lavender: Dada.
You're not Dada!
Yeah. Daddy.
Haha, okay. What is your favorite animal?
Wolfie.
What do wolfies eat?
Pigs.
What do wolfies say?
Huff and puff and blow your house in.
And what do wolfies like to do?
Puff.
Tell me something you like to do.
Play.
What do you play?
Chase.
Oh yeah? Who do you play chase with?
Katie.
Katie's a good friend, isn't she?
[smile, head shake]
Do you have a favorite food?
Soup, cottage cheese, and pancakes.
How do you make pancakes?
In bed!
Haha! What ingredients do you use?
Powder, butter, buttermilk, egg.
What job do you want to do when you grow up?
Paint.
Are you going to make pictures?
Yeah. Of Mommy.
How old is Mommy?
Four.
What does Mommy do?
Paint.
What do you think Mommy's favorite thing to do is?
Help me!
I do like that. Do I love you, Lali?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
What is your favorite story?
Nemo.
Tell me about Nemo.
He four. Swim, splash, cuddle with Cory (Dory).
Who is in your family?
Sharks!
Is Ari a shark?
Uh-uh. Barracuda.
Okay, what is Geneva?
Marlin. I'm Cory. [gasp] Shark! Ahhhhhhh! [runs out]


Love her.

Io the Cat

Our little black cat, Io, is an oft-neglected member of the Zoglman family, at least on this blog. He's a sweet pet and a fun companion for the kids, who alternate between tender and aggressive in their interactions with him. They feed him his food and stroke his fur, but also play "catch" with him, which is not a very balanced game when one of the participants has no thumbs. He is patient and tolerant, and today Geneva commemorated his awesomeness in the form of a poem.


Io the Cat

He is as good as Geneva making good choices.
He smells like nice, cool fur.
His claws are like needles.
His back goes up and down as he wiggles his tail.
His nose is like a wet rainstorm.
He is as black as the night sky.
His eyes are as sweet as wonder.
He says meow like a hello.
He runs around on his legs like a tornado.
He is the goodest cat of every cat.
With a whick of his tail, he's gone!

By Geneva

Blog Post by Geneva, Age Four

"I love the whole wide world. I have a new slip 'n slide. That's all I'm going to say today. Daddy has a cut on his foot. He put some gauze on it. I couldn't do the monkey bars when I was three, but now I'm four so I can do the monkey bars. The end."

Today my darling oldest child is four. My life as a parent, the ferocious love and sense of purpose I feel as a mother, is also four. Right now Geneva is thinking about what she has accomplished now that she's no longer three-- monkey bars, primarily. But today I'm thinking about where she is going. I don't really have any idea where that will be, to be honest, but I know how she will get there. Feist and passion lead to the monkey bars and beyond.

Happy Birthday, Geneva!

Mmmmm, Lava

From her booster seat behind me, Geneva made an announcement on the way to preschool:

"I call the Earth Sriracha."

"Really? That's different. Why do call it that?"

"Because of the lava. The Earth is full of lava and it's red and hot like Sriracha sauce."

Plate snacktonics, yo.

Career Musings from Geneva

"When I grow up I'm going to be a teacher. Then I'm going to be a photo-er. Then an artist. I'm going to do paintings. Then I think I'll do construction. I can build houses and bird houses and schools and all the buildings! I can do all those things when I grow up. I'm going to do a lot!"

Yellowstone

Last week my girls were sick. Lavender was merely under the weather, but Geneva was sick-- fever, headache, chills, and no desire to leave the couch. Because of this, we ended up watching an unusual amount of television, including a documentary about Yellowstone National Park. Geneva, as horrible as she felt, was riveted. When the documentary ended she asked me to get out paper and pencils; she wanted to write a book about Yellowstone. As she sat on the couch and told me about elk and geysers and birds of prey, I took dictation and then read back to her what she had written. She made a few changes and added facts as she remembered them. When we were finished, she had indeed written a book. Wow. A book.

Here it is. I know this is a braggy post but oh well. I'm just so damn proud.

Yellowstone, by Geneva Zoglman

Wolves are clever. They hunt elk. They live in a pack. They are very interesting. They can survive a hard winter.

Coyotes are as clever as the wolves. They eat elk, too. They eat little bison. Their tails are puffy. The fur is golden.

Bears are very sensitive. They hunt bugs and fish and honey. They have the same parts as people. They have a head like we have, legs, a body, and claws. We don't have claws. They live in a den or a cave.

Bison are very big. They have a big head. Bison have fur and horns. Little bison are weak, but big bison are strong. They can live in hard winter.

Rocks are very hot, because of a volcano. There are geysers. A geyser is water that spouts. They are very interesting. There are hot springs, too.

Hawks and eagles are birds. They fly and flap their wings. The eagles have wings and white heads. They eat deer. Something else killed it and they ate it.

Elk are very interesting because I like their things that point up: antlers! Elk make a funny sound. That is how they talk. They live in a herd.

Yellowstone is very interesting. People can visit there someday.


And that is why we are planning a road trip to Wyoming sometime in the next year or two. I predict it will be, as Geneva says, very interesting.

Bum Bum

No, not the Law and Order music.

"Bum bum" is Lavender's ubiquitous word, or maybe I should call it her prototype word. It's the word  from which almost every other word she says is derived. For instance, "pom bum" is pumpkin, "bu' buh" is buckle, and "bom bom" is bottle. Usually. There's a certain amount of fluidity between words, and most of my Lavender Comprehension comes from context. Still, it feels really good to be able to say that my baby daughter speaks and I understand her. I can't describe how dense and inept I feel when I have a child making urgent, repeated requests of me that I cannot for the life of me translate into some form of useable English. I'm sure Lavender would liken the experience to talking to a dog: she asks a question that seems perfectly clear; I cock my head to one side and prick up my ears, or wag my tail and bark. So now, finally, I'm able to make sense of most of what she says. Most of it is "bum bum," and that's just fine. It's better than fine. We're communicating.


Here is a list of Lavender's words that sound almost indistinguishable from "bum bum." For some of them, being on this list makes a lot of sense. For others, I'm dying to see how her brain made that leap, but in the end I'll probably never know.

Buckle
Bottom
Car noise
Spoon
Bottle
Drum
Potty
Pumpkin
Crabapple

Rated R for Language

I mean it. Sorry, Mrs. Ledesma's fourth graders. I'll write a school-appropriate post soon!

Geneva's vocabulary has expanded beyond the boundaries of standard English, and often includes words-- especially onomatopoeic verbs-- that perhaps should exist, but don't. Ever wonder what a word meaning "to drop wet breakfast food from your spoon into your bowl" might look like? Now we know! According to Geneva, I blapped my yogurt. This is just one example. The following is another.

Let me set the scene: although the weather has been in the 40s and dry for the last week, we still have a two- or three-inch layer of snow over our entire yard. This makes it difficult to play outdoors because snowproof clothing is much too hot for 40 degree weather, and temperature-appropriate clothing tends to be thwarted by the persistent blanketing of slush. Nonetheless, we persist, and the other day found all four of us girls outside, crunching around in our sneakers and making the best of it. At one point I lost sight of Geneva around the side of the house and after a few minutes I thought I'd go and see what she was up to. I found her morosely holding one sneaker in her hand, her pink sock covered with snow. Trying not to laugh at her predicament, I exclaimed "Oh no! What happened to your shoe?" Geneva stared somberly up at me and, flipping her hand over to demonstrate, replied...

..."it fucked off."

Yep, Geneva, it sure did.

Dear Santa,

I love you! I would like to visit with you. I want presents like a drum and a penguin or maybe a stroller. Here's my idea: give me a toy to play with and you can give my old toys to girls and boys. I have a cake for you. I like to snuggle you and play with you. Maybe I can give one of my old cameras to other kids. Thank you for sitting on your lap and visiting with me. My tree is kind of cute. I decorated it. What were the girls singing at the house for? They sound pretty. I want to tell you more stuff, like how we celebrate. What are we celebrating for, Santa? I think we are celebrating Jesus' dance party. Jesus told people how to be treated by other people: kindly.

Goodbye, Santa. You can write back to me.
Love, Geneva

P.S. I'm Flynn Rider.

Geneva Speaks Out About Manatees, etc.

"I'm Bubah Jordan. I'm a fancy old stinker."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! ...That was a noise."


"That fart was mine! It came from my butt!" (Note: it did not.)

G: Sing "I've Got a Dream," Mama! (for the thousandth time)
M: How about instead you tell me what your dream is, sweetie?
G: I dream that you would sing that song. Okay?

(Tearfully) "No, Io, this is not your bed. No, no, no! ...Hey, come back and cuddle me!"

G:  I'm doing a zax-a-frax. Bends over and puts her head on the ground.
M:  Do you mean a somersault?
G:  No, a zax-a-frax. When you do a zax-a-frax you put your leg up in the air too.

"Let's listen to The Who. Bwam, bwam bwam (imagine a child imitating an electric guitar). I'm rockin' out!"

G:  I need to see Joan.
M:  Oh, that's sweet, Geneva! I'm sure she misses you too.
G:  I need to show her where I pooped behind the tree.

"I want to read the book about the beaver. The big beaver. The big beaver with the poky whiskers on its chin. The big beaver with the poky beard. The big weird beaver. The-- manatee."